Wait, I have to fight who?

Wait, I have to fight who?


Ah, the weird and wacky world of fighting games eh? They are without doubt one the easiest games to get the most gameplay out of and definitely the best way to settle the ‘who’s better at this game’ argument? In recent years they have even started to give the single player more reasons to turn the game on even if they are by themselves such as customising characters and in some cases, brilliantly written stories. In the older days however this was not the case and the story usually had to be read in the instruction manual and was just a tournament of some kind. I therefore decided to look back and break down some truly WTF moments that some our most beloved characters may have experienced back in the day.

Johnny Cage realises this isn’t a movie:
You’ve just finished filming your latest movie but once again the press are ripping you to pieces claiming that your fighting is unrealistic and there’s no way you do your own stunts. Seeing as you’re a complete bad ass named Johnny Cage you’ll do whatever it takes to prove the masses wrong and show the world that you can kick seven shades of crap out of anyone. So you accept an invite to this martial arts tournament and you’re watching some of the opening fights. In one of the opening battles you see that the yellow ninja has clearly beaten the blue ninja but suddenly he removes his mask and has a skull for a face, to make matters worse he totally roasts the blue ninja alive and leaves him smouldering in front of everyone to see and smell. Then it’s your turn and you realise that this isn’t just a tournament, its life and death stuff here, kill or be killed. Yep, suddenly the press talking crap about your movies doesn’t seem so bad and you quickly begin to think that the weird looking man with blade arms in front isn’t wearing some awesome outfit. Nope, you realise he is determined to remove several of your organs with absolutely zero surgery training. This not a good way to start a tournament.

Johnny Cage Mortal Kombat(Just don’t hit him in the face)

Ryu meets Q:
Training to be the best, to learn what it means to be a warrior, your goal in life is to become the greatest fighter in the world and then continue to learn. You’ve fought the best of the best, Guile, Zangief, Chun-Li and even your best friend Ken. So now, a new tournament begins and you get a chance to punch some new faces. You go toe-to-toe with a giant German wrestler, a posh British boxer and even your best friend Ken yet again but then it comes walking out. Is it a robot or human or something in-between? It moves like robot but reacts like a human when you thump it. It’s big, fast and hits like a train with an atom bomb for a face. It doesn’t speak; it doesn’t blink and doesn’t even feel remorse when it wins. Instead it decides to stands on your face and just crushes your head beneath its massive but well-dressed foot. To this day no-one knows who or what Q is, all they do know is that this 7 foot tall suit wearing thing is good at doing one thing and that is beating the ever living daylights out any man, woman or beast that dares stands in front it. To be honest though, there aren’t many that dare because even getting the right to fight this thing is a challenge all on its own.

Q Street Fighter(There is no soul, only pain)

You have to fight a bear:
Let’s not beat around the bush here, one of the long running fighters in the Tekken series is an 8 foot 2 tonne grizzly bear. We’re talking about an animal that can remove the face of a human being with a single swipe of its huge, face-removing paw. Just imagine it, you’ve trained your whole life to be the best fighter you can be, you’ve fought your way through to earn your rightly place among the greatest fighters on earth in the King of Iron Fist tournament, your name is called, you step into the arena and what stands before you? A $% bear, a fully grown, angry as hell looking grizzly bear. Surely it can’t get any worse? Yes, yes it can because not only is this an animal that could leave you with a skull that resembles a regurgitated vindaloo but it is also fully trained in martial arts. Yes, the bear knows bloody Kung-Fu, so you know, best of luck with that.

Tekken 7 Kuma(Not, he’s not cuddly, he’s a remorseless killing machine)

So take a moment to remember those poor souls in fighting games past who just wanted to enter a tournament to prove they’re the best and ended up being decapitated, beaten to death or just straight up feed to a Kung-Fu fighting bear because in this story driven fighting game world we now live in, the craziness is slowly being removed for plot and who wants plot when you could be fighting a bear?

About author


Stewart 'Grave' Gibson is the fighting game loving, Doomguy worshipping, Motorhead listening maniac of DarkSpawn Gaming. When not ripping and tearing Stewart can be found riding the open roads or at the nearest Lucha Libre event.

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